Grace Chun, Orange County School of the Arts, 9th grade
From the moment I walked in front of the audience and took my first bow to the end when I gave my final bow, I felt a strange feeling I had not before. Performing in front of others always made me nervous from the pressure of playing well. People always told me that there was no need to worry and that it was fine if I made a mistake.
My ears had embraced that but my brain had locked it out. I was too focused on simply having a musically and technically accurate performance. But while I was playing on Friday the 13th of September, I felt a change.
Media often depicts playing an instrument, or any type of art, as something to flex with and something that they turn to to show a display of emotions or the mood of the scene. My younger and innocent third grade self believed that playing the violin would be all fun and easily mastered, at least to the point where I can play popular modern day songs to my friends. My six year dynamic with it has been more like a love-hate relationship.
But I can confidently say that I am growing to enjoy it more and more rather than thinking of it as pressure.When I transferred to a different violin studio in February, I didn’t expect the change in my sound. Over the months, I had gained a new perspective of music that layered on top of my old ones. I spent the months fixing my basics and working on all aspects of playing. When it was finally time for me to apply all that I had learned, I wanted to make sure that this would be the greatest performance yet. It wasn’t an elaborate event; in fact, it was at a senior home.
Yet, I wanted to approach it with a sense of purpose.On the car ride to the concert, I was so tired from the school day that I fell asleep until five minutes before I arrived. That put me in complete, absolute panic. I sprinted to the warm up area and made sure my fingers were looser than those inflatable balloons outside some stores. “Fake it ‘till you make it.” Fake confidence until you are.Those were my thoughts before every performance, competition, and audition.
When it was finally time for my turn in the performance, I walked onto stage, trying to feel confident. I looked at my audience which consisted of parents and seniors. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel nervous at all but it would also be a lie if I said I was very confident. One thing was certain though. I wanted to give them my best effort.The notes rang throughout the room as if declaring their place. I moved with the music, like a marionette with every joint hanging from strings.
I never felt so prepared and ready to perform before. As a result of this, my sound quality was bold and I felt relaxed and “with the music” as I played. Despite all of this, what struck me the most during this concert was the audience.The seniors who were listening weren’t there because anyone forced them to be. They were there out of their own will. During those moments where I glanced at the audience during my performance, I saw something on their faces that I had never seen so strongly while playing my instrument for another person.
They seemed to just treasure the moment with all their heart.Mistakes or wrong notes didn’t phase them. They were just grateful for the moment. Their smiles through the concerts and genuine applause made me want to give them more. That night, my perspective on performing changed. I wanted to perform to let the audience feel happy and share my love for music.
This new mindset allowed me to open up to other new perspectives. These allowed me to have fun, engage with other performers, and feel so thankful for this chance myself. To everyone, musician or not, I hope to encourage them to remember that you’re talents can always add to making someone’s day better.
